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It Might Be Time for Lara Trump to Back Down – New Acoustic Tom Petty Cover Flops Like a Last Dance

Poor Lara got turned into a masochist by her family.

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I was just going to fill this article with Tom Petty puns like a total jerk, and then I realized I had a message somewhere in here that’s worth telling.

Not to get too esoteric on you guys, but the Tao Te Ching — the closest thing to a holy book that Taoists have — says that “Superior virtue is its not being virtuous.” Translated into lay terms, that means doing a good thing for attention isn’t really wholesome. Little kids who share toys without being asked… That’s virtue.

Taking a song you already know the creator of would hate you using to try and spread a positive message that’s completely self-serving is most definitely not wholesome.

Thankfully, the universe has a way of working that stuff out in the end.

We already told you about Lara Trump taking entirely the wrong message from the brief success of her first attempt at covering Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down,” and thinking she should do it again. She released it as an acoustic version like somebody was clamoring for THAT somewhere.

Guess what. No clamoring. The new version didn’t even crack the iTunes Top 200 digital downloads chart, which is notoriously easy to manipulate. Like the “best-selling” books written by Fox News hosts and alumni, the success of most of the stuff produced by right-wingers is a product of a giant circle jerk of scratching each other’s backs and buying what anyone in their right mind would rightfully consider garbage.

“Out of key even with autotune” read one review.

Lara Trump’s adventures in pop stardom (or the desire for it), coupled with the unmerited self-confidence of the Trump family, provide a perfect backdrop for your Christmas shopping season: Here’s what NOT to get anyone.

The saddest part is, Lara is still so excited. She really honestly thinks she has something here. But she doesn’t.

So she’s either kept entirely in the dark by her family, or she is monumentally stupid. The latter isn’t outside the realm of possibility, since she did marry the guy they call the dumbest Trump. But we like to give the benefit of the doubt here. So maybe nobody has told her that she can’t sing, and maybe she just doesn’t understand that the Petty estate is pissed.

Probably not though. She’s probably just a dick like the rest of them.

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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