Politics - News Analysis

The Proud Boys are Sad Because No Women Want to Marry Them and Become Housewives

Well, who could possibly imagine this? Apparently, the Proud Boys are having trouble finding wives. It couldn’t possibly be because of their racism, homophobia, fascism, and misogyny could it?

Apparently, there was a “Fall Love Fest” in Los Angeles over the weekend, where a pack of girlfriendless Proud Boys took a break from chasing Mike Pence and harassing people of color to let the postage-stamp-sized audience know they are single and “looking for housewives,” according to The Mary Sue.

Boy, I can just see the wimmin folks just linin’ up fer that cain’t you? Apparently, no women are in a hurry for a lifetime of ironing wrinkled white bedsheets (aka uniforms) for their klan-loving paramours. Perhaps slopping hogs, cooking the nightly cholesterol special, or a lifetime of being called the “little woman” and constantly being reminded of their inferior status just doesn’t sound appealing for some unknown reason.

Well, hot d*mn, who could have figured that out?

And The Mary Sue’s Chelsea Steiner has some advice for all the lovelorn ladies out there. Advice as in the form of “stay away, stay far, far away.”

“Now, we’ve all had our fair share of bad dates and terrible partners,” she writes. “And many of us have had a long and lonely pandemic. But trust me when I tell you: ladies, you’re better off alone (possible understatement of the year there). After all, do you really want to be stuck making Hamburger Helper over a travel sterno grill in the parking lot of the Boise city hall while your husband rants about critical race theory to strangers?”

Well hey, if you’re up for a lifetime of a bunch of inebriated men mainlining MD2020 and following that up with a Night Train chaser and then tossing cigarette butts on the floor you just mopped while all the while listening to really bad country music, well hey, maybe the Proud Boys really are for you.

But it seems for the would-be Proud Boy lotharios, the silence is deafening.

Except on Twitter, where women schooled these sad sacks and their puny aspirations, in a way that’s pretty funny. Enjoy!

meet the author

Megan has lived in California, Nevada, Arizona, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Florida and she currently lives in Central America. Living in these places has informed her writing on politics, science, and history. She is currently owned by 15 cats and 3 dogs and regularly owns Trump supporters when she has the opportunity. She can be found on Twitter at https://twitter.com/GaiaLibra and Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/politicalsaurus

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