Politics - News Analysis
The Proud Boys are Sad Because No Women Want to Marry Them and Become Housewives
Well, who could possibly imagine this? Apparently, the Proud Boys are having trouble finding wives. It couldn’t possibly be because of their racism, homophobia, fascism, and misogyny could it?
Apparently, there was a “Fall Love Fest” in Los Angeles over the weekend, where a pack of girlfriendless Proud Boys took a break from chasing Mike Pence and harassing people of color to let the postage-stamp-sized audience know they are single and “looking for housewives,” according to The Mary Sue.
Boy, I can just see the wimmin folks just linin’ up fer that cain’t you? Apparently, no women are in a hurry for a lifetime of ironing wrinkled white bedsheets (aka uniforms) for their klan-loving paramours. Perhaps slopping hogs, cooking the nightly cholesterol special, or a lifetime of being called the “little woman” and constantly being reminded of their inferior status just doesn’t sound appealing for some unknown reason.
Well, hot d*mn, who could have figured that out?
And The Mary Sue’s Chelsea Steiner has some advice for all the lovelorn ladies out there. Advice as in the form of “stay away, stay far, far away.”
“Now, we’ve all had our fair share of bad dates and terrible partners,” she writes. “And many of us have had a long and lonely pandemic. But trust me when I tell you: ladies, you’re better off alone (possible understatement of the year there). After all, do you really want to be stuck making Hamburger Helper over a travel sterno grill in the parking lot of the Boise city hall while your husband rants about critical race theory to strangers?”
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Well hey, if you’re up for a lifetime of a bunch of inebriated men mainlining MD2020 and following that up with a Night Train chaser and then tossing cigarette butts on the floor you just mopped while all the while listening to really bad country music, well hey, maybe the Proud Boys really are for you.
At the Proud Boys’ ‘Fall Love Fest’ rally in LA yesterday, speaker announces that many of them are single and “looking for house wives.” pic.twitter.com/uNVFGolTVi
— Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) October 17, 2021
But it seems for the would-be Proud Boy lotharios, the silence is deafening.
Except on Twitter, where women schooled these sad sacks and their puny aspirations, in a way that’s pretty funny. Enjoy!
CHRISTMAS IN TINSELTOWN
A Hallmark Channel Production👩🏻: It’s late Fall, there’s a chill in the air, & I am resigned to spending another holiday season alone
👨🏻🦲: I AM HERE AMONG THE MONGREL HORDES OF L.A. TO WARN AGAINST THE EVIL OF DEEP STATE SOCIALISM
(both enter Starbucks)
— Dreamweasel (@Dreamweasel) October 17, 2021
Ladies, if you’ve always dreamed 😍 of meeting a chubby guy with a tiny peen & neckbeard who lives in his mom’s basement & enjoys old Hustler mags & AR-15 promo videos, now’s your chance to marry one & spend your days washing his tightie whities!👇🏽#ProudBoys #losers #incels https://t.co/j3KlQugQHq
— Mindful Primate (@MichellesDude) October 17, 2021
"I mean technically it's my mom's house but" https://t.co/42c2v98knr
— BloodRiverFlow (@PearlRiverFlow) October 18, 2021
Proud Boys want “house wives.” Ok, but first grow up to at least Proud Men. https://t.co/auV3VUr7kr
— C. Walworth (@carlawalworth) October 17, 2021
Keep looking.
However it's a safe bet that they will attract houseflies.
— Joe Traina (@JoeTraina) October 18, 2021
Ladies are wising up, they now know big guns = small dic&s 🤷♂️👏👏🥰🥂🤣🤣🤣
— Jessie Handley (@batspider55) October 18, 2021
"Must know how to serve bowls of Cheetos paired with Mtn Dew"
— Robocop 👻Ghosterman5000👻 (@TehBenSVX) October 18, 2021
I have never been so happy to be a lesbian…
— Normal Citizen VT (@Wissa38) October 18, 2021
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