If you ask your average European high school student, he or she could explain how and why vaccines work. The trouble is, we cannot invite European high school students to vote in our elections. A constitutional amendment needs to be considered at this point.

Fortunately, some of us were biology majors in college or took biology in high school, some once read a book that had some references to biology, and others can spell biology. Thus it is that we can all explain why vaccines work and why they work without any tissue from anyone except perhaps from a virus and – as most know – very good biologists disagree on whether a virus is even a living thing or not. Whether a virus is alive or not is of no issue because it most certainly can make a person dead and that is the focus.

Let’s all go over it together and perhaps some of our MAGA friends, who lost themselves in a search for why vaccines are bad, will find their way here and maybe learn a thing. Viruses work by using a protein on the outer coat of their shell to attach to your cells – often cells lining the mucus membranes of the lungs. The virus then dumps its shitty RNA into your cell (they don’t use DNA) and your cell then reproduces all that RNA, including the little shells, and unleashes thousands upon thousands of bouncing baby new viruses to go out to other cells in your body. Many viruses cause irritation in the lungs and throat in order to get coughed out to find a new host. Sneaky bastards.

Fortunately, we carry around white blood cells that search out “foreign” proteins and thus surround these little squatters and destroy them. This works, unless they’ve never seen that protein before and can’t make enough white blood cells to keep up and you get sick. Traditionally, a vaccine or inoculation is nothing more than busted up (we’re simplifying) parts of the coat containing the protein shell and nothing within. Once injected, your body recognizes this harmless stuff and builds up “memory” to attack it whenever it sees it. Once exposed to a real virus, the real virus has no shot, the body’s got its number from the beginning.

The new vaccines are even better because they use harmless parts of the mRNA itself, we’re not exactly “up” on how it all gets done but it’s a more efficient way of injecting “memory” into your white blood cells to attack that foreign entity should one ever run into it and the virus stands no shot.

The smarter among us – meaning all of us – will take note that at no point in the process is any part of any living thing used, not carrot parts, not flea parts, not seal parts, and damn sure not a part of anything human, baby, adult, moody adolescent, or a very good dog.

Undeterred, a new MAGA is sure that this is not the case and his theory is brought to us by Rawstory:

As one Huntington Beach, California man explained, the vaccine is made of b*by parts. It’s unclear how he came to that conclusion, but it’s remarkably similar to conspiracy theories from the 1990s that said beverages were made from dead babies. Snapple, Pepsi and others were part of the bizarre conspiracy. It harkens back to the 1973 film “Soylent Green,” which predicts that by 2022 America will enter an ecological dystopia in which overpopulation leads humans to create a tasty beverage that converts corpses into Soylent Green.

Like Snapple, the COVID-19 vaccines aren’t made of people. Pfizer and Moderna use pieces of genetic material (mRNA) to create the vaccine and don’t include “live” versions of the virus, as GoodRX explained.

Rawstory quotes Good Rx:

“The mRNA is produced in laboratory equipment (not in live cells), using the genome of the novel coronavirus as a template. Once the mRNA is in your body, your own cells can use it to make harmless models of the spike protein.

Given that our readers know that laboratory equipment can now make the genome for the alien in Predator, we were pretty sure we didn’t need to mention that no live cells are needed.

We had video from YouTube except YouTube, exercising its marked intelligence and discretion, has already pulled the video. Thank god.

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Peace, y’all
Jason
[email protected] and on Twitter @JasonMiciak